Identity
: How many people really know who they are, what makes them happy, and why? Well, I recently made a new friend that seems to have at least some of that figured out. With her permission, I'm re-posting one of her blog entries. Thank you!
The “G” Word
Girl. That's the “G” word. Are you a girl? Do you act like a girl? Do you want to be a girl? Is that a good thing? A bad thing? Why?
If you were coincidentally born with a penis, the word, girl, soon becomes a pejorative. An insult. A taunt. Humiliating, painful, shameful! Worse than being dumb, or chicken, or fat, or skinny, or even a queer. If you were called a girl, it mean you would never be a man. If you were a girl, you were pussy; soft weak, submissive.
But, there was always that magic happy voice that would whisper the word, “girl,” over and over again. And, you just knew it was something wonderful, and that you wanted it! It was like, if I could just wear that word, a sparkling rainbow of happiness would surround you and all would magically be happiness, smiles and joy. Yes, my deepest desire was to be called a girl. In spite of what everyone said and thought, when I thought of that word, I could only imagine freedom, a higher level of self expression and awareness, a gift and a radiance of positive and happy sensations. I worshiped, even if secretly, the word, girl!
Loving the “G” word is one thing; learning to accept it is another. To accept it, one must accept all the connotations that go with it and learned to accept them as positive and desirable as well. This has been the process of embracing my weakness.
The first rule of being a boy is to embrace, and internalize, your physical strength as both your primary virtue and value. The last thing you should be is weak. And, the last thing you should want, is to be pretty. Even if, somehow, you hear the beautiful sirens of femininity singing in the most irresistible enchantments, you must deny and oppose them. For like the sirens of myths, she will entice you onto the shores of passiveness, of selflessness, of beauty, of vulnerability, of prettiness, sweetness, sensitivity, caring, obedience, emotionality, softness, delicacy, intimacy, nurturing, trivialness, loving and ultimately, weakness. Plug your ears and row past her. Use all your might, be strong, listen not, be a man. Do not be weak!
Missy, sissy, prissy ... sweetie, baby, honey ... kitten, princess, precious, doll... do you love these words, or hate them? The woman you've been taught all your life to dominate is now your protector, and she calls you these names, all giddy-poo with sweetness and smiles. Are you emotions fear, or joy, or both? You are, finally, not a man. Do you like being recognized and talked like that? Do you love it, or are you shutting your ears to the siren's call? Is it a compliment and a warm gift, or are you humiliated and embarrassed? Can you accept yourself? Or, are you going back to the physical, clenching your muscles, embracing your maleness, ready to brake out and escape? Or, are you ready and willing to embrace, and love, your weakness?
You have just been called a girl. Are you willing to accept and love that? Or, are you going to fight it, deny it, run away? Are you prepared to be the weak one, to be vulnerable in every way, to be led, to trust, to be totally feminine and female dominated, to step into, accept and embrace being a girl?
Crossdressing is a very external thing with many motives and scenarios. Changing who you feel you are on the inside is far more freighting, and infinitely more rewarding. How do you truly view women? Do you view them as perfection, and your personal ideal? Can you give up being the strong one? Can you give up being strong? Can you admit to yourself that women represent who and what you want to be? Can you surrender your strength, deny your ego, overcome your fears and accept women as your role models, your guides, your protectors, your teachers, your destiny, your joy, your rule, supremacy and strength, and, finally, what you truly want, and need, to be? How bad do you want, do you need, to just feel and be pretty? Are you willing to admit and accept that? Is feminization a taboo, a humiliation, a fetish? Or, is being a girl a self acceptance and a willing journey filled promises of happiness and joy? Is it a costume and a game, or is it a liberation and a self realization? Have you heard the sirens? Are you willing to surrender your physical might, accept their call and truly love and embrace your weakness? Are ready to be called a “girl”? Does it make you happy? Do you love it !!!?
