Work - How bad do you want it?
: Easily the most common question I get is: “How can I find someone to share my fetish or fantasy with me?”
And its a great question, because you may already know the answer, but don't really want to admit it. It takes time and effort. It takes risking rejection, being laughed at, and in some cases the end of a relationship.
I want to give you an example of putting in the time and effort to get something you really want. Last summer I decided that I wanted a motorcycle, took the safety course and got my license. Since then, I have been searching for the right bike every day up until last Sunday. Now I know this is not the same thing but hear me out.
I was looking for something very specific. Something that everyone else wanted, and was very scarce. I met with 10 or 12 different people and saw that it wasn't going to work out. Do you see a parallel? Yes, I could have bought a brand new one eventually, and it would have been great. Just as you can always go to a professional Dominatrix and explain exactly what you want, pay for it and go to town. But believe me, your chances of finding the perfect person the first time are slim. Even with a professional, and shelling out your hard earned cash, you will have to put in the time and effort to make it work.
No, its not easy to tell your secret to a stranger, or a friend or loved one. And its certainly not easy to find someone new who will accept you, and love you for who you are. But you have to take a chance if you expect to find that. You have to go out and meet people, be vulnerable, and take risks.
So the real question is how bad do you want it? You may not want it enough to risk your marriage, and that's certainly understandable. You may not want it enough to go out and join groups of like minded people, and make new friends. You may not even want it enough to take a chance and explain it to a new friend, because she might laugh at you. Which is kind of ironic when you want to tell her that you'd like to be dressed as a cheerleader, tied to a chair, and laughed at.
But I do understand. I have the same feelings as everyone else. It hurts to be rejected, and my heart has been broken more than once. But I had to take a chance and end my marriage after many, many years. I took a chance meeting new people rather than be alone, and lonely. And I'm very happy I did.
I think everyone knows all this, so its up to you. Just don't tell me you're giving up until you've really tried your best.
Let me tell you about a very good friend I met last year. He was extremely depressed and confused. Over time I encouraged him to go out and meet someone, and it was a great experience for him, even though not exactly what he was looking for. Now he has weekly sessions with a gorgeous Domme, right in his town, and is finally trying all the things he has always wanted to do. He began a relationship with her, which took time, and is continuing to grow. She is also helping him explore his limits, which have included lathering hot sauce on his balls, something I still find hysterical! 
(sorry P)
As for me, I'm actually amazed at how well things worked out with my new bike. I found exactly what I was looking for-EXACTLY! The woman was fantastic and helped me every step of the way, and even told me to call her if the future if I need help. I was lucky, and in the right place at the right time, but it never would have happened if I had given up, and wasn't looking at all.
“don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up,
you're not the only one
don't give up,
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up,
you still have us”
(Don't Give Up-Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush)
