Change
T: Now that I'm older, my crossdressing fetish is no longer as exciting as it used to be. I'm not as disturbed by it as I once was, but I feel like I'm missing out on a normal, sexual relationship with a woman. Do you think its possible to change?
: The answer is yes, maybe, no, and sometimes. Lets start with the serenity prayer, which I had to learn the hard way.
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference”
Once you realize that there are many things you probably can't change, you have to decide which things you really want to, and how much you want to. For me, I've found that if I really want something, and am willing to do whatever it takes to get it, I usually succeed. I've also learned through many smoky meetings and bad cups of coffee, that most people don't want to change at all, until they have no other choice. The resistance seems to be partly out of fear, and partly out of being more comfortable staying where they are, despite being miserable. Which one is it for you?
T: Well both I guess. I too was at those meetings, and agree with you completely about motivation. In my case its mostly fear. I am afraid of not knowing how to please a woman as well as possibly not being able to perform. The thought of being completely embarrassed and humiliated is terrifying for me. (Interestingly enough it also turns me on at times).
: Its one thing to be playfully embarrassed in a lingerie store, and another to have someone say truly mean and hurtful things to you in front of your friends (something I would never, ever do).
I do understand your position and sympathize. But change involves being afraid, and doing it anyway. Plus I think you might be putting too much pressure on yourself. First of all, having little or no sexual experience is not as bad as being a player, and using women like toys. As long as you are honest, it may even be a plus. The woman will likely be flattered and very willing to show you exactly what gives her pleasure.
As you get older, your attitude will also change. While it may be a catastrophe in college, it may not be as bad in your thirties to make a mistake with a woman in bed, or even fail to get it up.
Your crossdressing fetish most likely started before you knew what it was about and why, so that is not going to go away anytime fast. Its not like you'll go to bed one night in a nightgown, dreaming about being captured and transformed by a group of sexy roller derby queens, including Drew Barrymore. Then wake up in the morning, take a shower, and jerk off thinking about fucking Megan Fox in her sexy cheerleader outfit screaming; “PUSSY-I NEED PUSSY!”
T: I love your sense of humor Miss Teresa!
: Thanks, but I know how stressful this must be for you, and I want you to look at it in a positive way if possible. You and I both know that besides remembering that if you drink 5 cups of black coffee, you'll be wired out of your mind and too nervous to speak, that it does take a lot of effort to change behavior. And the longer you've done something in a certain way, the harder is is to do something different. My best advice is to take a chance. The worst that can happen is that you'll fail. Then if you're brave enough, you'll try it again until you either succeed or decide that its not what you really want.
T: Thank you.
: You're very welcome, foi et de courage!
