Fetish
: Why do you think wearing women's clothes, or being made to wear them is such a turn on for you?
G: For me it's less about gender than it is about objectification. I have a fetish for erotic transformation that runs across the gamut. Doll stuff, pony play, body paint, anything like that has been a button pusher since I was way little. When I dress, I tend to dress as one of those girls who says “if you've got two bucks meet me out by the dumpster.” It's not unlike bondage, you're nominally trapped in the presentation of something other than yourself. I don't find it humiliating, and the sissy paradigm has never been a turn-on because I don't like the idea of being LESS than what I am, just being something other. And a subservient something other sometimes. I'm not trans, in that I'm happy as a guy and while I'd love to try being a woman, the surgical options are not appealing to me.
Those were the things that drove me to it. The amazing and unexpected bonus is the attention, and the impunity, one gets. When I'm all tarted up I can start a conversation with anyone. It's like I become a performer in the show of their lives. Women are understandably much more approachable, since they can see I'm putting myself in the situation they live in, being hot and objectified.
F: For me, the answer has changed over the years. In other words, the reasons it turns me on now, are not the same as the reasons it turned me on when I was 14. When I was 14 it was more about being humiliated, of not measuring up as a man, and of being enslaved by women and forced to comply. It was in the same vein as my fantasies of being forced to lick their asses while they watched TV, or of being the only guy at a slumber party to serve them all orally.
I've always had fantasies about women who “made me do things”, and have expressed that in online relationships with Domme's who gave me assignments that I had to carry out and report back, with very real consequences for failure. That may or may not include feminization. (But often did.) Teresa.... there was an anger in it, toward myself, that wasn't healthy. And feminization was degradation, a form of self punishment for what I saw as my personal failings of who I was supposed to be. I found it humiliating, and humiliation is something that I became conditioned to find erotic and exciting. And so, being feminized was a turn on.
I stopped all of this stuff for many years. I figured out a lot of things, and figured out what is and is not healthy. And I thought I'd never wear panties again. But I clearly have a submissive side that is just part of who I am. It doesn't have to be full of self degradation and humiliation to accept the fact that I love to serve and please. I adore women, especially strong, assertive women. I'm an ass kisser. It's who I am. I paint my wife's toenails, and love doing it.
When I did come back to it, I did it because I felt that I had a feminine side that I enjoyed expressing. I came back to the feminine long before I ever came back to crossdressing. Hypnosis was involved, but I know it didn't create the base need for femininity, it merely helped me accept it. I came to accept that I have that feminine side that I long to express, and that it's OK for me to feel that way. I knew that the day I put panties back on would be a really big deal for me, and it was. But I accepted that I was doing it, not to degrade myself, not for the humiliation of it, but to express a side that was part of me. It felt good, but not so much in an arousing way. And very much of my dressing up lately hasn't been a turn on, but something that scratches a far deeper itch.
: Thank you ladies for your honesty. My goal is to help others figure out what you both already have. I've found that it takes a long time to discover who you are. But you can if you are brave enough to keep looking.
